From Guinness to Vitamin Water Zero

Guinness 1: At this stage, my first reaction is not sadness for myself, but sadness for the morons who fail to grasp the basic concept. For them, I feel genuine pity. They are the lowest of the low, and they don't even realize it.

Guinness 2: Called my mom and one of my brothers. My brother farted into the phone a few times which made me smile. I guess my second reaction is that I cannot believe the way in which this was handled. No tact. It was all done behind my back, and they smiled at me the whole time as if we were friends. To twist the classic line: No friends here, just strangers I've met.

Guinnes 3: Texting a few people and sending a few private e-mails. My third reaction is that, if I were in charge of something and I saw a way in which someone under me could do something better or at least differently, I would have the stones to speak my mind. Some people are just stoneless, I guess.

Guinness 4: Didn't spell Guinness correctly earlier. Funny. My fourth reaction is I have spent the last several years trying to serve something greater than myself. Four years of teaching. My time in the Peace Corps. I even considered working in the DA's office a form of service (the PD had no openings at the time). Through it all, I wanted to serve something greater than myself, and each time I hit a roadblock.

Guinness 5: I wonder where the grace is in intolerance. I wonder where the grace is in prejudice. I wonder where the grace is in not giving someone the opportunity to prove his or her worth. I wonder where the grace is in forcing faith. I wonder where the grace is in condemnation.

Guinness 6: Grooving to blues. BB King and Eric Clapton have mad skills. This whole thing went down badly. Back in November I asked direct questions and was lied to. Had I been told the truth, things might be different today. I asked the question directly months ago -- the question that strikes at the heart of this. And I was reassured that it wasn't about me. Once again, people feel the need to pussyfoot around.

Guinness 7: I'm far from perfect. Say I'm too abrasive or recalcitrant. Say I can't relate to certain people. All of these are fair criticisms. But I've thought hard about this and they just are not right about this. It took me years to be able to justify my faith to myself and to others. On this singular point, I feel I'm on solid ground. I should get bonus points for correctly typing "recalcitrant" after 7 beers.

Guinness 8: After eight beers, I'm reduced to laughter. You know that old chestnut when someone breaks up with someone else and he/she says, "It's not you, it's me"? Well, to-whom-it-may-concern: It's not me, it's you. My culpability comes in the form of sitting in silence while you have messed things up, and, ironically, I sat in silence out of fear of the repercussions should I speak out.

Vitamin Water Zero: Just reread last night's running/drinking commentary. I stand by it. And I'll be fine, by the way. It was probably time for a change anyway, and now I am more motivated than ever to make that change happen.