Phil McGraw may just be the devil

"We've been livin' really fast... We've kind of been livin' in the consumptive chic. Livin' large, the big house, the big cars, and bein' in the laser lane. And one of the things that I've heard from so many of my viewers saying that now that we can't take some of these vacations, we can't buy those X Box '60s, that they're actually bein' forced to have some time with their kids, be out in the yard, throwin' things around, goin' and havin' a picnic instead of goin' to Disneyland or somethin'. So maybe, just maybe, it's causing us to slow down and focus on what really family is all about again."

- Phil McGraw, from "Anderson Cooper 360," March 17, 2009

Consumptive chic? Laser lane? We?

First of all, many words in the English language end with the letter G. If you cannot pronounce gerunds, you should not be allowed to speak on television.

Secondly, who the f*ck was Phil McGraw talking about?

Third, McGraw was attempting to put some sort of positive spin on the economy. Why? One of my chief problems with quacks like the former doctor is this kind of horsesh*t. Why must people feel good right now? Why must people feel good all the time? Why must there always be a silver lining? Why can't people who experience sad and depressing events be allowed to feel sad and depressed? I'm not saying they have to stay sad and depressed, but they surely shouldn't be forced to try to fool themselves into thinking things aren't sad and depressing. If we can't be down during down times, how can we be up during the up times? Boneheads like McGraw and their psychobabble have created havoc on the emotional state of this nation. People don't know what they're supposed to feel anymore.

McGraw revealed an awful lot about himself in that little soundbite. For starters, he's not talking about "we." McGraw is describing his own life and his own shortcomings. He has been "livin' large," but the enormity of the economic crisis finally got to him. In his guilt, he appeared on Cooper's show under the pretense of wanting to offer comfort to others. In reality, he wanted to bear his soul (who knew the son of a b*tch still had a soul?).

Wherever these people are who have spent the last 20 years ignoring their children to play video games, I am sure Phil McGraw's reassurance is a comfort in these trying times. For the rest of us, the reality of the situation might require a more reasoned approach.

The reality is that many of us cannot afford a picnic. Many of us cannot afford the gasoline needed to make the drive to spend time with our families. Many of us haven't taken a vacation in years. Many of us don't own an X Box.

We don't own homes, and we break our backs to make car payments on mid-size vehicles. Phil McGraw gets more quality family time, and we get the shaft. He appears on TV to make us all feel better, but, instead, he conjures images of the good life we never had... and never will.

On second thought, maybe now is not the time for reasoned approaches.

I am not a man prone to violence, but if I ever meet Phil McGraw, I plan to kick him in the balls.