Dateline: To Catch a War Criminal

The setup for this sketch idea (an idea no program currently on-air would ever dream of producing) is that the chunkheads who produced "Dateline: To Catch a Predator" recently employed similar tactics to confront Leopold Munyakazi and accuse him of genocide in Rwanda. Though the program hasn't aired yet, I think it would go a little something like this:

INTERIOR nondescript kitchen

Enter MUNYAKAZI, carrying flowers and a six pack of Corona

MUNYAKAZI places items on kitchen counter and looks around expectantly

Cut to opening pocket door at other side of kitchen

Enter CHRIS HANSON

HANSON:

Just what were you planning to do with the small, young, African nation?

MUNYAKAZI:

I don't know what you're talking about.

HANSON:

You were going to rape, pillage, and plunder, weren't you?

MUNYAKAZI:

Uh, no. I was just going to talk to Rwanda, that's all.

HANSON:

And who is the beer for?

MUNYAKAZI:

Um... it is for me... for later. It's a hot day, and I didn't want to leave it in the car.

HANSON:

Are you trying to tell me you weren't planning to get Rwanda drunk, then have your way with her?

MUNYAKAZI:

Hell no, man. This is all just a big misunderstanding.

HANSON:

Wait a minute... we've met before, haven't we?

MUNYAKAZI:

I don't know... no... I don't know what you're talking about.

HANSON (voiceover):

It turned out, we had met before... at a sting...

Cut to interior of a different kitchen. MUNYAKAZI and HANSON are there.

MUNYAKAZI:

Come on, man. You saw the way she looked! Angola was askin' for it!

Cut back to the nondescript kitchen. HANSON and MUNYAKAZI are now seated on barstools. MUNYAKAZI is nursing one of the beers he brought, the other bottles lay empty beside him.

HANSON:

Seriously, dude, what were you thinking?

MUNYAKAZI:

I...

HANSON:

What was going through your head?

MUNYAKAZI:

I... I was... it was just something to do, you know. A story to tell.

HANSON:

Rwanda was defenseless.

MUNYAKAZI (tears begin to form):

I know. That was part of the turn on.

HANSON:

You're a sick man. You know that, don't you?

MUNYAKAZI (a barely audible whisper):

Yes... I need help.

HANSON:

What would you say to others like you, who are contemplating doing what you've done?

MUNYAKAZI:

Don't... that they shouldn't do it... it ain't worth it.

HANSON (voiceover):

MUNYAKAZI is, of course, innocent until proven guilty. Coming up after the break...

Cut to third nondescript kitchen. CHRIS HANSON is again in the kitchen, but this time GEORGE BUSH is with him.

HANSON:

Just what were you thinking when you targeted Iraq?

BUSH:

I...

HANSON:

You completely overpowered Iraq. It never stood a chance.

BUSH:

I... I was... it was just something to do, you know. A story to tell. Besides, Iraq was mean to my dad.

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