Innanimated

Free time. Time to relax. Time to take care of all the little things you don't normally have time for. Time to think. Uh oh.

Two days ago I got pissed at a packet of hot dogs. I wish I was kidding. I was trying to squeeze the open packet into a Ziplock bag, something I've done many times in the past without incident. Yet despite the fact two of the hot dogs had been removed from the packet (for consumption purposes, and don't even start on me and my diet), I couldn't get the bag to seal around the hot dogs. Before I knew what had happened, the hot dogs went sailing across the room... something the Ziplock bag was not designed to do. A small but uncontained explosion of plastic and meat by-product ensued. Later, as I sat there cleaning up shattered wiener remnants (insert innuendo here), I couldn't help but ponder what (or who) it was I was truly angry at.

I stopped drinking caffeine years ago. It made me extra-irritable. During what I call me caffeinated phase, I broke windows with my bare hands, plunged screwdrivers into walls, and through my entire collection of music against a wall (back then, the collection was mostly audio cassettes). I'm surprised I never stroked out while on the stuff. During my post-caffeinated phase, I haven't lost my temper nearly as much, and when I have it has been about something big... until the #@$!ing hot dogs. And I haven't felt any violent tendencies towards innanimate objects in this millennium... until the #@$!ing hot dogs. I feel like I've regressed, and I'm not sure how or why.

I'm the sort of guy who detests change, but recently I've felt the sudden and almost desperate need for a massive, positive, life altering event. I can't explain it, but I feel the need for something new to happen soon, or I'm going to pop. Naturally, whenever I take steps to enact change in my life, it has a tendency to backfire terribly. Any change that happens in my life has to happen in spite of me, not because of me. I'm frustrated, somewhat confused, and more than a little bit tired of the routine. But typically any break in the routine is due to something bad gumming up the works, so to speak. I want a break with a positive, even optimal event taking place. With as little self-esteem as I have, I feel entitled to a little happiness at this stage in my life.

In the meantime, beware any innanimate objects that cross my path.