Finding meaning...

One of my favorite installments of "Outland"

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Another "Happiness Week" has come and gone. It was a rocky start, no doubt about that, but it ended well enough. And now I'm on vacation, only not really. I'm scheduled to depart for a three day conference in the middle of the freakin' desert. In other words, the coming week isn't likely to be a happy one... at least not the first three days of it. After that, between strange goings-on in Santa Monica on Wednesday and Thanksgiving on Thursday, there should be some happiness by the week's end.

Still, throughout the week, I was reminded of many reasons why I need to seek out ways to be happy. Mostly, those reason came in the form of seeing others far worse off than me. A local school with a small student population lost a parent of one of its students, and it isn't the first parent lost at that school since the school year began. The mother of a former student of mine is dying of cancer. A friend might have to have a surgery which would prevent her from being able to have children. I saw one homeless guy ask another homeless guy for money, and, though it reminded me of the humorous "beggars begging from beggars" scene in "History of the World: Part One," it was a cautionary tale. It is easy to find reasons to be sad or angry. You have to work at happiness.

Most of what makes me unhappy are situations and decisions that are out of my control. But I've found that, with only a few exceptions, happiness comes from within. Oh sure, there is a woman on this planet whose very voice is enough to cheer me up, but situations and decisions that are out of my control prevent me from hearing that voice on a regular basis, so I have to find the happy on my own. And it isn't always easy.

Certainly, I can't be the only one who has noticed that it takes a while to work up to a state of happiness, but one can become unhappy in an instant. It seems unfair, like clawing and scratching to get to the top of a tall peak, only to discover you hadn't really reached the top at all -- that there is another, taller peak that must be climbed.

I have to remind myself to cherish the little things like a positive day at work or a good parking space in front of my apartment. I have to remind myself to begin each day anew, regardless of how bad the previous day may have been. I have to remind myself to laugh at life's absurdities, or they will consume me from the inside-out. I have to remind myself that some people consider it a privilege to be allowed to travel to a fancy hotel in a desert oasis, free of charge.

And, in the spirit of the season, I have to be thankful for what I have. And I even need to be thankful for what I've lost, because a lot of folks would give anything for the experiences I've had and the friendships I've made, even knowing nothing lasts forever. I take it for granted that things were better before, because that isn't the case for everyone. Some people have never experienced "better." I've shaken hands with world leaders and been called names by pop singers. I may not have climbed Mt. Everest, but I've lived a life.

Jim Morrison reminded us that, "We're all in the cosmic movie... You better have some good incidents happening and a fitting climax." And despite him being frequently stoned to the point where he could neither stand nor speak, there was often truth and wisdom in his words. Just as Walt Whitman wrote about the "powerful play," Morrison updated the reference. I have inadvertently stolen a scene or two in the cosmic movie, but it is too soon to tell what genre of film we are all in (I'm hoping it is neither a horror flick nor a modern-day tragedy), or how whether it will have the requisite "happy ending."

I want my scenes, my verses, my existence to have a positive meaning. I want to make a contribution. And I don't want to be remembered as a negative, depressing, melancholic lump. I want to be happy. I want to serve something greater than myself. And I don't want to have to work so hard at it, but I am keenly aware that nothing worth having comes easily.

Here's hoping your week was a happy one, and that you learned something from the experiment.

Another Podcast Adventure

It has been nearly nine months since I last compiled a list of podcast recommendations, so I guess I am overdue. In the interest of full disclosure, I have probably recommended many of the following on an individual basis, but I am just obsessive-compulsive enough to feel compelled to list them here:

"The Bugle - Audio Newspaper For A Visual World"
John Oliver (a.k.a. that British dude from "The Daily Show") and Andy Zaltzman (longtime fan of cricket) live on opposite sides of the pond, but they come together each week to riff on current events. Or, in the alternative, if current events aren't interesting enough, they just make stuff up. I laugh more during this podcast than any other time in the week.

"John Cleese Podcast"
Infrequently updated, but I discovered this one a month or so ago and have been liberally sampling the selections. There is some fun video-blog stuff, and a few of the podcasts are simply speeches videotaped and uploaded. But there is some prepared comedy worth checking out.

"Kevin Pollak's Chat Show"
I'm an unapologetic fan of Pollak's and have been since the first time I heard his stand-up routine, "Star Trek V: In Search of Cash." His podcasts are Herculean in length, if not originality, and feature Pollak interviewing a wide variety of stars from comedy, movies, television, and music. These are long-form, sometimes intense interviews that will take casual viewers a little getting used to. But it is worth making the adjustment.

"Robert Llewellyn's Carpool"
Carpool is a series of interviews conducted by the guy who played Kryton on "Red Dwarf," the gimmick being the interviews take place as Llewellyn drives the interview subject to or from somewhere in a hybrid vehicle. The audio can sometimes be atrocious, but Dwarfers in particular will enjoy the conversations that take place on the mean UK streets.

"Rocketboom"
I discovered correspondent Ella Morton just last week when I happened upon her interview with Cookie Monster. It was love at first sight. Her video blogs are sharply edited and full of wit. And she was kind enough to add me as a friend on Facebook, so I feel obligated to pimp her segments on Rocketboom, an arts, culture, and commentary podcast.

"Stephen Fry's Podgrams"
I am late to the Stephen Fry party, and I'm not entirely certain the crowd is to my liking. I can't tell if he's a bitter and cantankerous old goof or a sage and acerbic comedic statesman. Sample his podcasts and let me know what you think.

"Today in the Past"
Brief snippets from another correspondent from "The Daily Show," John Hodgman. He has created a page-a-day calendar based on portions of his most recent book, "More Information Than You Require." For those who aren't familiar with Hodgman's book, it (and this podcast) is filled with an assortment of untrue facts. The November 12th entry about Wallace Shawn is a particular favorite of mine. Hodgman is also the most recent subject of the "iTunes: Meet the Author" podcast, for those who missed it.

"WTF with Marc Maron Podcast"
This semi-regular (one or two new installments per week) podcast has replaced the Smodcast as my source of pod-based frat humor. Maron begins every podcast with what he considers a rave review of his sponsor, a coffee company. He takes a sip of coffee, pauses, then screams "Pow! I just sh*t my pants!" Sets the tone for the show. It is a fun and insightful podcast featuring a lot of comedians and a lot of industry talk.

P.S.
The movie channels have been periodically posting full-length episodes of their TV shows as podcasts. I caught the season premiere of "Californication" in podcast form, as well as the series premiere of "Bored to Death." You have to watch for these, as they come and go without much fanfare. And I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that the iTunes Store moved the iTunes University to its own special segment of the Store (installments of which are no longer counted as podcasts). Carnegie Mellon has posted Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" on iTunes U, as well as another full-length lecture of his. Thanks to iTunes U, I've enjoyed Q&A sessions with Alan Alda and David Sedaris, to name but a few. And I'm nearly halfway through a course on "Game Theory" offered by Professor Ben Polak at Yale University (tough course, but an amazing professor and the lessons learned have real-world applications). In the same vein, you should check out the "Free on iTunes" segment of the iTunes Store, which often contains full episodes of TV shows, music videos, or panel discussions (checking just now, I see they're presently offering the first two episodes of "Ally McBeal" for those who might be interested). Most of what I've listed in this paragraph is only offered "free" for a limited time, so I'd suggest routinely checking (unless you don't mind paying for what others receive for free).

Previous Podcast Reviews:
February 2008
May 2008
February 2009

"Ah, dear, don't have a fuss. I'll have your Spam. I love it!"

Isn't it nice to have a day off? A day to honor the veterans, a day to read a book, a day to plow through boatloads of e-mailed spam? Yes, I took a little time to rummage through the e-mails dropped into my spam folder, because, sometimes, important e-mails fall through the cracks. Sure enough here are a few that I need to follow up on:

Cleotilde Svetland wrote an e-mail with the subject, "Winter Sale! Codeine, Hydrocodone, Vicodine, Xanex & Valium." What better way to prepare cold and lonely season than by stocking up on recreational painkillers? Laugh if you will, but Jonna Angelo and Loriann Pasty, whoever they are, each sent me e-mails with the same subject. Clearly, they know about previous holidays-gone-bad and are just looking out for me.

Apparently, someone calling themselves "me" wrote to me. In the subject to me, me asked me, "It's me, any information about Mike?" Since I do not, as of yet, have any information about Mike, I have not replied to me. But rest assured, me is looking into it.

From out of nowhere, jimgreen wrote to share the following: "She mixed the dough with sour cream." Not knowing what it was she was supposed to have been making, I do not know if this is a good or a bad thing. I'm not a sour cream fan, though I do like foods which begin as dough, so it could go either way.

Here's one I nearly missed. The one and only bluecatfishman wrote to inform me that "Lady Jingly answered sadly." Look, friends, depression is no laughing matter, and I have always known Lady Jingly to be upbeat and chipper, so this really affects me. Jingly, if you're out there, give me a... well... jingle?

I cannot believe that an e-mail from my colleague cocacolera found its way into my spam folder. Seeing the subject "Still the Turtle bore him well, and I hate your son," at least now I won't be caught off guard. I can offer up a timely response the next time I run into cocacolera in the street, which could be any day now.

Abbe Burton spoke for her entire generation when she sent me an e-mail with the subject, "Music Good Said." It is a little too short for a proper haiku, but as free verse poetry goes, Abbe Burton is a force to be reckoned with.

I seem to be getting a lot of international e-mails these days, mostly from places I once visited or lived. Japanese native 地貸款成數。銀行到期還單代墊, a.k.a. Bank Arriving At Period Generation, wrote to tell me the following: "信用狀額度變現。房屋全額貸款." Though I am not fluent in Japanese, I ran it through my computer's handy, dandy translation software and learned: "Confidence degree of amount reality. Room house payment in full rental." Noted, good sir. Noted.

Last but not least, a Cyrillic cousin of mine, kaval 3, wrote to tell me: "Русские домашние оргиий. Здесь есть даже девушка для которой это в первый раз. Наслаждайтесь!!" With two exclamation points, I was all-too-eager to learn kaval 3 was telling me about a "Russian domestic orgy. Here is even girl for which this the first time. Delight in!!"

So, if you'll excuse me, I have an important appointment, and if anybody knows how to fix my spam folder so I don't keep nearly losing these important e-mails, let me know.

Today's Non Sequitur

For my atheist friends...

День рождения

I don’t really feel like being profound. I don’t want to be ticked off. By the time most people read this, I’ll be another year older. Some birthdays excite me. Other birthdays annoy me. This birthday holds no emotional connection whatsoever. It is simply Tuesday. No big deal. Not bad. Not good. It just is.

Last week, I attempted an online experiment wherein I tried to post nothing but upbeat, positive, happy things. I even tried to eliminate the sarcasm. And this online experiment spilled over into the real world, to such an extent that anyone showing even the faintest signs of sadness or depression was annoying to me. It reminded me of my days in retail, when you were supposed to greet each customer with a smile and a friendly turn-of-phrase. I was adopting a persona who was similar to me in many ways, but different in others. I was a Stepford Kevin.

The thing is, I can understand why one should be superficial and emotionally dishonest with total strangers who want nothing more than to buy something. However, I would hope that when I am happy, my friends would be there to join in the revelry, and when I am sad or angry, my friends would be there to try to raise me up. Because if all someone is interested in is the superficial and the dishonest, I really have no interest in having that someone in my life. Oh sure, I’ll sell them stuff, but that is hardly my idea of friendship.

I have spent a majority of my life trying to be there for other people. I have tried to be there for people who, frankly, treated me like crap. I try to continue to be there for people, regardless of circumstance. And I have no regrets about that; in fact, helping others is a big part of what makes me happy. I’m not looking for quid-pro-quo. All I’m looking for is a little bit of compassion on the bad days, and connectedness on the good days.

In a perfect world, this would not be an issue. But this year I seem to be fighting a lot of battles on multiple fronts. I’ve never felt so exhausted. I’ve never felt so put upon. I’ve never wanted to run screaming from my life more than I do at this moment. I know, this sounds extreme, and it makes me sound depressed or angry or whatever. But all I really want is a little bit more than I presently have. No need for a mansion or Cindy Crawford – I’d just like to feel slightly more secure… more at peace… more loved.

In other words, people have a tendency to wish people “Happy Birthday,” but all I’m really after is a birthday moderately better than the one I’m expecting. Genuine happiness is an ambitious goal. It is a goal I’m still working on, but it is unlikely to be reached within the next 24 hours. Small steps.

Memories of Cliff

Cliff Rowe walked up to me in journalism class one day and told me I should never be a journalist. I recoiled and asked why not. He told me, and I’m paraphrasing, that I can’t keep my @!#$ing opinions to myself. He was right, and, though I didn’t appreciate it at that moment, I ultimately came to respect his honesty.

In turn, I feel compelled to be honest about Cliff. To begin with, I could never make heads or tails of his handwriting. I’d get papers back that he’d graded, and then go through the arduous task of deciphering Cliff’s comments in the margins. Eventually, I learned that what I saw as “odd tub” was actually “good job.” It was like learning a second language.

And it should be made known to Cliff that anyone who has ever taken a class from Cliff has also attempted, at some point, to impersonate his unique vocal style. For those out of practice, the phrase that always brings it home is “seditious libel.” Those two words seem to hit all the right Cliff-inflections. Try it if you don’t believe me.

About a year after I’d graduated, I was working as an NBC Page in “beautiful downtown Burbank,” when I received an e-mail from Cliff. He told me he was taking a group of students to an SPJ conference in Southern California. I suggested he come to NBC and I would lead him on one of my studio tours. He arrived one afternoon with his students in tow. Along the way, we bumped into Jay Leno, who proceeded to poke fun at Cliff and the students (“Professional journalists? Sounds like an oxymoron to me!”). Watching a former professor of mine get heckled by a well known talk show host was one of the more surreal moments of my life.

Last year, while walking along the beaches of San Diego, I happened upon a sign that made me laugh out loud. I made a point of e-mailing a picture of it to Cliff, who proudly replied that he’d posted it in his office:

What I will remember most is the respect that he had for his own profession, and the profession we were studying. He made a lot of jokes, but he took seriously the roles that we were to play. He emphasized the importance of truth – something we could stand to see more of in this day and age. And, to my dismay, he knew that a good journalist kept his opinions to himself. He hammered into our collective skulls the value of fact checking, and he predicted early on the potential unreliability of information on the internet.

A few years ago, I left the world of media and entered the world of teaching middle school. Some days, I find myself in my classroom, unintentionally speaking in a unique vocal style. It usually happens when I’m teaching the students about responsibility or honesty. It always happens when I talk about respect.

Thanks Cliff.